Creepy Crawlies

Already not amused

It's been a pretty rough week in regards to my interactions with the animal kingdom. On Saturday I went on a 'horseback adventure' over in Fordsdale, (approximately an hour and a half inland) for 5 hours on a horse having never ridden one before, my V hated me before we even got there. We set off nice and early...I had consumed a pie and a slush puppy before it was even 8am as I never trust something that says they provide food if there isnt a Maccies nearby. I instantly regretted this the moment I got on my horse and his knees buckled. I sat there straddled over poor Borris in total shame, wishing horses vision didn't sit round the side of their heads so I could avoid the pained expression darting through his eyes. The fact I was a total beginner in the horseback riding industry also made me feel like I was the fat kid in a P.E. lesson paired up with the county pro (how ironic), who would roll their eyes at the teacher before spending the lesson begrudgingly carrying their achilles heel of a partner through to the end. 

Bailed

Whilst I sat in silent apology to poor Borris, who by the way I concluded was also gay (the only male horse not to get a boner when the female in season sauntered past) we enjoyed a guided tour of the surrounds. This sentence in itself is a bit weak, I hesitate using the term 'we' considering I'm pretty sure Borris enjoyed carrying me about as much as I enjoy eating a carrot stick if a chocolate cake is nearby...and the term 'enjoyed' is also a bit loose when I spent the whole time in fear Borris's legs would snap and I would be responsible for the imminent euthanasia. On one particularly steep downhill decent I actually called it quits and climbed off, a result of Borris eyeing up the cliff edge far too longingly. If horses could do maths...im pretty sure he was calculating the distance to the floor in relation to the speed we would have gained to enable immediate death upon impact, anything to avoid carrying the inexperienced retard he had been paired up with. We eventually made it home, Borris even worked up to a light trot when he saw the finishing line. Along the way we actually came across my first snake in the wild...a brown one which im told can kill. Again, if we had come across it about an hour before Borris would probably have thrown me at it, hoping for the best. 
I have made the decision that horse riding isn't really my thing, not only do you need a ringed cushion for a day or two but horses attract flies. I for one did not enjoy the feeling of them crawling across my eyeball on several occasions.

Chronic

In this recent week, I have also come across my first spider. If i had a fear of them I probably would actually book myself out of here on the first plane home because they are respectfully larger than any I have come across back home. I caught the first one easily due to being an accessible height, situated at the bottom of my door...the second however I spotted on my ceiling, providing a much larger challenge.

1-0

Regardless to my lack of phobia I didn't fancy the thought of it dangling above me in the dark so I plotted it's capture. I initially opted for the cockroach spray, which informed me of a degree of effectiveness upon spiders...strongly worded letter of complaint coming their way. If anything the spider became more agile and added to that, was also pretty pissed off. I was now convinced that if I didn't get it out of my bedroom immediately, he would sit and plot revenge in my sleep. I gave up on the modernised approach, opting instead for the traditional 'glass and paper' manoeuvre...not ideal when the spider is on the ceiling and im balancing underneath on a very unstable swivelly chair. However, my determination prevailed and i triumphantly mocked the spider before I set him out into the wild (hopefully never to return?) 

Moral of the stories?
I bond better with dead animals...one big mac meal made large please