I have found the cure for teenage pregnancies...and also my first friend

SUNGLASSES
Rule number 1 in the
'how to improve your
looks' manual

Before coming to Australia I joined a website called meetup.com Its essentially a website for loners who find common interests with other loners and make friends with them. PERFECT! I had joined the group for au-pairs in Brisbane (as they don't have a group for people who are a general mess in life for me to make friends with) but it turns out my first friend Cailin fits that category too anyway. An event was organised for a group of us to go paddle boarding and I saw it as a decent enough distraction from my daydreaming about big macs. The organiser messaged me and after a few friendlies we arranged a trip out to the beach...i mainly felt panicky about the fact it was in the same direction as Bribie Island. I went along and we got on pretty well...she's American and I was the first British person she had ever met. I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say I don't think that's giving the country the best of starts. Anyway, she found my accent hilarious and we bonded over the pathetic state of our loneliness...and in a non-sexual sense we are eachother's first! I also got my face licked by a small dog and a dead jellyfish flung at me by a small child but that's another story...

It was a lot easier for me going to the paddle boarding having already met Cailin...I can be pretty awkward sometimes in situations with new people and say something highly inappropriate...at least now I knew if that happened she would laugh (similar sense of humour..) 

Paddle boarding itself is not easy...especially when the most exercise your upper arms have done in the past few months involves opening the fridge door  (sometimes a pretty decent workout if they have a strong magnetic system..) The instructor made us go against the tide and the city cat boat annialated us with waves every few minutes...imagine it was quite amusing for the crowds of spectators along the river bank (especially when I did a far from graceful belly flop before getting hit in the face by my board as the tide swept us back.) It was a load of fun though and I would recommend it to anyone. 

Lovely wet boobs for the ride home.

I was on babysitting duties afterwards and Cailin came along for the ride...the whole experience nearly broke us mentally, physically and emotionally. After Emma&Andrew left all hell broke loose. They tried every trick from the 'guide of how to ruin an au pairs life in one night', threw about 4 simultaneous tantrums (along with a few books and felt tips), I got kicked in the face and drawn all over as well as being called a penis about 45 times. I now understand one potential cause of an alcoholic...single mothers out there have my sympathy and I for one will never judge. It took an hour and 45 minutes to get them to finally go to sleep...do these children know how many big macs i can eat in that time? However, it has led me to a new scheme for avoiding teenage pregnancies. Scrap the plastic babies, wind Liam and Zoe up and throw them into the ring! The condom industry will boost and everyone's a winner. 

Moral of the story?

Don't get pregnant kids